It's been...a long time...since I've posted. Almost exactly a year. I've gotten distracted with other things, I guess, and just haven't made the effort. But this has been on my mind and I figured I'd post it up here.
Life has a way of beating us down. Letting us down. And there are times when we go long periods of time being disappointed and discouraged and let down, over and over and over. I've been going through such a time for about three years now. Three years. And every time there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel, there is just more disappointment. More doors closed, more chipping away at hope, little by little. It's a demoralizing, frustrating, saddening thing to experience.
What's funny is that, despite how the above might sound, things haven't been going particularly poorly in any major way. I have a solid group of friends, am part of a wonderful church where God is on the move, I have an amazing family, and God has been clearly at work in and through me. I'm talking about more of a big picture kind of idea. Three years of waiting to see what God might have for the next stage in my life and ministry, of constantly being let down...in some cases by people whose motivations are (mostly unintentionally) based on human values rather than on the things that matter to God.
It's hard not to lose faith during these times, especially when they drag on and on, with seemingly no end in sight. I sense that this current chapter of disappointment in my life is nearing an end. I can't explain why...spiritual intuition, maybe. But during the past three years, even when things have been going well (as they have for the last while), it would have been so easy to give up hope, to give up faith.
People respond differently to being beat down over and over and over. Some get angry with God, some turn to other things to dull the pain and the frustration. Some lose faith altogether. In some ways, we all go through all of these (to differing degrees) at different times. But for me, I have never questioned that God has a plan for me. I know that God has never left me or forgotten me. I can't see or understand His plan. At times I'm incredibly frustrated and disappointed because of that, and (more often) with the humans that purport to do His work and His will (and, intentionally or unintentionally, get caught up in worldly things instead), and at times I am discouraged that my faithfulness seems to be for naught.
But for me, when everything else is stripped away, when life disappoints you time and again, and when hope seems to be worn down to nothing, what's left is gratitude. This may seem strange or ironic, but when you 1. know that God is real and that He remains with you and that He has a plan, and, simultaneously, 2. life and people let you down and disappointment is all you get, you have to somehow reconcile the two extremes. And, for me, that leaves me with gratitude. Because I know that God has given me life and breath. And not only am I grateful for the life that God has given (and continues to give) me, but I'm grateful for Jesus...that God has provided a means of salvation and of grace for sinners like me. Even when the world takes everything else away, it can't take Jesus. And I'm grateful that I know Jesus personally and that he is the hope of the world. Even when our hope in this world is eroded, our hope in Jesus can remain steady because no matter what else life gives (or doesn't give) us, real hope is in Jesus who gives abundant life...here in this life and eternally.
